Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
