How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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