quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My balls are so social today.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I want her autograph on my taint
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
