Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
