I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize