Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
