Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
