Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
