Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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