Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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