I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
