Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
