Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
