Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
