i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
