Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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