He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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