You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
