Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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