Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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