ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
