Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
