I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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