Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
