Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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