I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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