You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
