Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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