my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
