I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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