I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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