he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
