Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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