just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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