At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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