Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
