Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
