oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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