its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
