and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
