It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
