That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
