i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
