Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
