The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
These tits shall not be calmed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
