what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
