D3 body, D1 cock
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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