I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
