Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
