my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
