I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
