oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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