So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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