Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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