When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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