Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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