I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
foreskin is a definite game changer
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
