there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
