the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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