I can text with my tongue
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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