five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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