The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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